Time waits for no one, it’s constantly moving forward and some things are inevitable. Change happens whether we like it or not.
Trying to avoid and resist change is pointless, the only thing you can do is begin the change yourself and adapt to it on your own terms.
Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. ~John F. Kennedy
The idea of change
It’s normal for people to do more to avoid pain rather than to gain pleasure. During the change process, our brain and body judge if it’s a threat or an opportunity.
So when we experience something uncomfortable and the situation demands more from us.
Our minds will start thinking negative emotions such as anxiety or frustration and eventually start having thoughts like “I don’t think I can do that”. That is why having a growth mindset is important if you want to improve your life.
The following are the top 5 reasons why most people find it so hard to change:
1st Reason: Our brain dislikes changing
Change is hard because most of us like to stay in our comfort zone. Especially if you want to be successful at something. Going through all the failed attempts, the painful process of starting from scratch, and having fear and doubts about whether or not it will work out.
The safe and easy path is not a threat to us, so our brain will encourage us to stay on that path for survival. Our brains’ main focus is to stay alive and it has evolved to like the idea of “Certainty”.
If there was a decision to be made and you are aware of the chances of success between the 2 choices were. Wouldn’t you choose the one with the higher chance of succeeding?
“We go through life wanting to make choices based on certainty. But this is not how life works.” (BigThink)
So when your brain has no idea what kind of results will occur if you make such changes, it will sense it as a “threat” and even makes us fear such ideas. This can affect our mental, physical and emotional experiences.
2nd Reason: Self-control & discipline is exhausting
Motivation can only last for so long. Having the ability to be consistent with the new habits that you are trying to develop can be difficult and tiring. Self-control and discipline mean adding a daily routine to your daily life and at times it can be boring.
One major reason why Steve Jobs always wears the same blue jeans, black turtlenecks, and New Balance sneakers is to reduce decision fatigue. Having too many decisions will cause unnecessary worries and that makes it harder to be fully productive.
Decision fatigue makes change harder for us and reduces our self-control when it comes to eating, drinking, exercising, or shopping.
“They can be more impulsive. They may feel emotions more strongly. And they’re more susceptible to bias and more likely to postpone decision-making.” says Roy Baumeister author of “Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength”.
Routines are not exciting
- Design a morning routine. The time you wake up, what you will wear, eat, and when you will leave.
- Workout routine. Plan an exercise program of what time you will start, how long will you do it, and when.
- Meal preparation. Having the same meal a few days a week. Go to the same restaurant or supermarket.
But isn’t life supposed to be adventurous and fun? Unless you enjoy chaos and waste your time and energy on temptations you have no idea whether or not it will be beneficial to you.
You will be a lot more at peace when you have a plan and flexibility is also important, but being stable and having balance in life is more valuable.
We don’t see the results immediately
Patience is not simply the ability to wait – it’s how we behave while we’re waiting.
~Joyce Meyer
Impatience destroys hard work. Nowadays with the advancement in technology, our needs, and wants are met quickly, and we expect results to happen almost as quickly. Success doesn’t happen overnight yet our understanding of it seems rather shallow.
We focus too much on the end goal and expect our efforts to bear fruit as quickly as possible. Comparing yourself to someone else is also unavoidable with social media but what we see on screen is only their success but not the amount of effort that it took to get there.
Anything remarkable takes time and effort. We have become so used to seeing quick successes and solutions such as getting rich quickly with crypto or losing weight with a pill, that we don’t talk about the reality.
- It takes time to build wealth, the average age of a millionaire in the US is 57 years old.
- The lifestyle of successful people is attractive but the obstacles you have to go through aren’t.
- What comes easy won’t last, what lasts won’t come easy
3rd reason: We don’t accept failure or mistakes
“Failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of it”
~Arianna Huffington
How many times have you seen people post their failures or mistakes on social media? What you usually see is people focusing on posting success stories and all. the wonderful things they have done.
From a young age, we only see failure as something bad and at school, we focus on avoiding making mistakes. But we need to shift our view on such things, rather than having a fear of failure we should fear not trying.
- We see failure as something we should not have tried and isn’t possible to overcome.
- Coping with failure using alcohol, food, and drugs to distract you from it.
- Easier to blame others for your failure rather than take responsibility for it.
Maybe you have failed numerous times already and are incapable of getting things done and over time even think you are destined to fail. Imagine what if Thomas Edison was too afraid to fail to invent anything when his teacher called him an “addled child”(someone who is unable to think clearly).
4th Reason: Worrying about what others might think
There is only one way to avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
~Aristotle
We all have moments where we have done something cringe that still haunts us at night when we remember them. The feeling of embarrassment and even shame comes up as we wonder how poorly others might have thought of us.
Recognizing that feeling can be useful to us, to avoid such experiences in the future and feel more motivated to correct those mistakes. But studies have shown that we tend to overestimate how others think of us when we fail. Often times we restrain ourselves because we worry too much.
- We seek validation from outside sources
- As social animals, we look for connection and affection
- We dislike being judged by others
Validation and approval from others can be a pleasant experience but it only creates more need for it, and it’s almost never enough. Most people don’t have your best interest in their mind so there is no need for you to change your behavior to do what they think is best for you.
5th Reason: We don’t know exactly what to do
You want changes to happen easily on your terms. The reason why you find change so hard is that you don’t think it’s worth the effort. Since you are not sure if what you are doing is right, your actions and thoughts are too weak to embrace change.
“I’ll start exercising next week,” isn’t quite so clear. I’m going to walk for 30 minutes in the afternoon after my lunch is better. When the information is unclear we can’t give definite actionable plans.
If you want to be a better person than before that means you need to adopt new behaviors and even new skills. A successful behavior change can only be done if you are in the action stage, meaning you are trying new things. It’s not as simple as changing switches and it requires a repeated process.
Am I doing the right thing?
I think it’s completely normal to be unsure of what to do with your life or where to go. But we need to accept how uncertain life can be and focus on making small progress on a regular basis. The more you learn, experience, and accomplish the more insight you gain.
So instead of asking questions like “What is my life purpose?” ask yourself “What can I do something important with the time that I have?“.
Conclusion
Why the process of change can be so difficult?
- Making significant change is hard when we are not aware of how our brain does not support it.
- Our mindset in how we deal with failures.
- We tend to look only for short-term solutions instead of putting in consistent long-term effort.
- We put too much effort into thinking of others’ opinion
- Asking the wrong questions and putting in very little effort.