If you felt like you’ve regressed or been barely improving. You’re not alone.
I’ve experienced the pain and frustration of repeatedly failing to keep promises to myself, and it took me a long time to understand the underlying reasons behind it.
When you “promise” yourself to do something, that makes it harder.
You’re telling yourself you don’t have enough confidence to follow through.
Plus when you fail to do it, it becomes a burden.
You expect yourself to do all these things that you “think” you cannot do, so it requires you to push yourself to do it.
Imagine someone threatening to kill your family member and asking you to climb Mount Everest.
Would you say “I promise I’ll do it” or “I’ll do it”?
Useless ego
You know you’re capable of more. But are you? Is your ego so high that you think you DESERVE it?
Accept that you could have done better but you didn’t bother trying hard enough.
You stopped trying after a handful of bad experiences.
And instead of thinking about improving yourself so that never happens again, you avoid it.
Deep down subconsciously you admitted that your limits and although you want a change. You want it on your terms. You want the world to give you a chance instead of creating it.
The world doesn’t owe you an understanding.
“The ego can be a protective mechanism that shields us from the pain of failure”
(Elysia McCann, ElearningIndustry)
The opportunity for a better life is not granted to those who try hard enough.
You’ve become too weak. So weak that you can’t push yourself to exercise, do the work, and avoid distractions.
Lazy ambitious
Being ambitious is great.
Having big and small goals is important to us. But looking for shortcuts, trying to cut corners, and making sure people around you don’t get ahead of you. That’s laziness.
“Don’t wish it was easier wish you were better”
Jim Rohn
Stop looking for short-term gains and prioritize long-term success.
When you try to “cheat” your way through hard work and daily commitment. You’re telling yourself you don’t trust yourself to push through obstacles.
Never doubt your capabilities.
Choose to overcome yourself
Aight, let me begin by telling you that you’ve done great so far. (not a motivational rant)
You’ve probably asked yourself “How much more will I keep disappointing myself?”
So many failed promises have damaged your confidence. Knowing this you try to incorporate different strategies to build it back up. But eventually, you hit a wall again, pushing you back a couple of steps.
The hard few days you’ve pushed through, all fell through by a single decision, a sentence, an event, or a negative thought.
That mental barrier you have in your mind.
Is that wall, that stops you from pushing forward, and no matter how hard you try to break it down it won’t break down. Or is it just your imagination?
Did you convince yourself it’s something that you desperately need to knock down?
Have you tried digging underneath the ground or climbing it? Can you ask for help from someone to boost you up to the top of that wall?
There are solutions but we fail to see them. No. We decided to ignore them.
Is it because we don’t have self-respect?
It could be part of it. Since every year/month/week/day, I’ve told myself I’ll do X things to do a goal only to keep it up for a limited time.
I knew making excuses was bad, so I disguised it as being efficient.
- Did the least possible for my fitness
- Rarely took risks and looked for reasons not to
- I looked for easy hacks and quick wins for my social media
- Kept learning and gathering knowledge without applying them
Did I spend my time efficiently or take the easy route? I think the answer is pretty clear.
You get into the habit of making compromises by saying you’ll do it tomorrow because you’ll have more time and be able to focus better.
That gets you nowhere and with each failed attempt you start to lose confidence in the next one.
Improving but failing harder
When you’re so close to success or you get to touch it, it all comes down crumbling.
That’s the hardest part of your self-improvement journey.
You must have certain systems in place and also not doubt yourself.
Systems will help you take the required actions to change, not treat it as an end goal.
Want to be a millionaire? Learn how they think, why they did that, and what actions they took when they failed.
What does a hero’s journey have? Defeats, denial, betrayal, and the courage to face the unknown.
Get back up one more time
Remember the WHY
Why did you want to change?
What were the emotions you felt that made you say “Fu*k this shit, enough is enough”?
We would like to think we’re logical but we’re biological.
When making a decision our emotions play a huge role in it. Also, the pain of failure hurts 10 times more than the small improvements we made along the way.
Whenever that happens remembering the WHY can help you lessen the blow and not roll back down to where you came from.
Which life would you rather live?
- Giving up after a couple of failures and going back to mediocrity.
- Failing and adapting to the point where you become better every day.
Sit in silence
No not with alcohol in hand. (Trust me it just makes it worse)
With a clear mind, you’ll probably think of all the mistakes you’ve made. Regrets and what you could’ve done. That’s a good thing.
Anger, frustration, and helplessness will fill up your thoughts.
Keep thinking till you get sick of it. At the end of it, you’re brain will say “Fine, I have 2 choices for you. Either surrender and forget your goals and aspirations. Or get the Fu*k back up and do something about it”
No kidding. As I sat down pitying myself my hand moved by itself to slap me in the face.
Over-analysis
It has never been easier to gather information.
Even writing this blog post I currently have 5 tabs open in my Chrome browser for research purposes.
“’Only a fool learns from his own mistakes. The wise man learns from the mistakes of others.”
Otto Von Bismarck
It’s useful to gather information to improve your efforts and important to analyze what works.
But how much should you be analyzing? Should you buy a couple of courses, watch dozens of videos, and listen to podcasts?
I have done all that and fell into the get results easy and quick ideas.
Gotten frustrated by the results and either blamed the ideas or thought it wasn’t for me.
Until I found out the only best way to improve and not be frustrated about the obstacles is to be willing to look stupid.
Admit it and move on. I am stupid but not dumb. I made tons of low IQ and careless mistakes but I make sure I don’t make it again.
The thing is learning along the way is 10x more effective than coming up with a highly optimized plan.
Final Say
You have to accept some uncomfortable situations if you want to permanent change.
Stop avoiding it and accept your inadequacies. It may seem hopeless and no matter what you try to do, it won’t be enough.
And when you see a glimmer of hope.
Your very own closest friends and family members will put you down. It’s not your fault, your progress is making them feel insecure.
Allow yourself to make mistakes but never allow yourself to stop trying one more time.
