As someone who battled with self-doubt and a sense of aimlessness in my 20s. I found comfort and strength in the timeless wisdom of Stoicism, giving me with the courage to navigate life’s uncertainties.
Table of Contents
Setbacks
I found myself addicted to alcohol, changing jobs 7 times within 3years, being laid off from a job I really liked, and watching others living the life I wanted on YouTube. Not what I had hoped to live like at the age of 26.
A year prior everything had finally fallen into place.
Got into a marketing job escaping the F&B industry and was in my best shape. Only to suffer a knee injury which would take me out for a year.
After that, everything started falling apart.
A role in which there was no clear structure for marketing and slowly started to hate it. Couldn’t exercise to release my stress so I started drinking. Slowly I began to complain, blame, and resent the world. I kept on thinking what if I had warmed up properly, studied more, or asked that girl out?
One night alone in my room, drinking away in the misery of recent events. Came across a video where a guy I admired presented an idea of making use of the obstacles in front of you to create opportunities.
What stands in the way becomes the way
Marcus Aurelius
Stoicism A Timeless Philosophy
Do stoics lecture that life is a constant struggle and we just need to suck it up?
Stoicism is a tool for dealing with difficult situations and people. It gives you more clarity on what actions you should take when dealing with your most stressful and confusing period in life.
Stoicism is not a philosophy to be discussed but lived and its usefulness is what made its’ comeback in recent years.
Clueless in the modern world
Ever felt like you are trapped in the ideas of what your life should be like?
Some of us picked an easy simple path that was right in front of us and did what the people around us did.
Some of us did what our parents/teachers told us was right, choosing a path structured for us. (i.e. higher education)
But if you’re like me not satisfied and decided to create a path on your own. Then practicing stoicism can help you go through the obstacles that lie ahead and find answers within those struggles.
Choosing to go through discomfort, knowing that if it didn’t work out I still have a backup plan. Choosing the safe option, often time made me uncomfortable and that feeling would add up. So even though it may be reckless I decided to just go through it.
Many times I’ve thought of the path I’m on the correct one.
At the same time, I kept seeing others my age living the life. Going on vacations, doing cool shit, and having financial freedom. I kept asking myself.
Where did I go wrong?
If only I had known what I know now 5 years ago.
And kept imagining success rather than achieving it. Which often made me frustrated at myself.
Not about controlling emotions
It’s annoying when things don’t turn out the way you wanted it to.
When someone walks in a way that blocks you from going past them on a street, pisses me off especially when I’m in a hurry. When you’re trying to lose weight but after coming from work you feel like you deserve a treat. It’s hard not to feel these emotions if you’re human.
But stoicism isn’t about closing off your emotions.
It’s about helping you understand your emotions by recognizing, reflecting, and using them to your benefit.
It’s not about suppressing your emotions nor is it about letting your emotions control you.
Imagine someone murders your pet. Will you go “Oh well, it is what it is?”
Hopefully not. If it was me I would dig out my weapons hidden underneath my garage, get a tailored all-black combat suit, and use that rage to chase them to hell.
Anyway, I’ll explain how stoicism helped me find a path that I can follow and take the required action.
The problem with feel-good content
Motivational music, speeches, and shouting out affirmations “I am enough”, and “I will be a millionaire” isn’t enough.
Sure it might help get you started and that’s a great start but how long will that last?
Or “just be positive!”
- “Be grateful, it could be so much worse”
- “Focus on the good things in your life.”
- “It will all be well. Don’t worry.”
Another trend with self-improvement is, “All you need is discipline”. Okay… agreed but how can you stay consistent when you don’t see any improvements even after 2-3 months?
Manifestation…don’t even get me started on that one. No real actionable advice.
Feeling good is great but often very fragile. You’re just escaping from the internal discomfort and the anxious feelings never really go away.
The Digital Age
Technology has made everything so much easier but at the same time it can be distracting and for some of us causes a lot of stress.
The happiness of those who want to be popular depends on others; the happiness of those who seek pleasure fluctuates with moods outside their control; but the happiness of the wise grows out of their own free acts.
Marcus Aurelius
Currently, we are going through an interesting digital era. Where teenagers can become millionaires streaming from their homes. Social media addiction causes record-high life dissatisfaction. Digital tools that were supposed to increase connection have now done the opposite.
Now everyone wants to become an entrepreneur by creating a personal brand. *clears throat*
Social media illusion
Can you tell what a person is going through behind the stories they post on social media?
We’re all guilty of scrolling through our feeds and seeing those seemingly perfect lives, leaving us thinking about our dull reality.
But every one of us filters out the boring and negative parts of our lives. Only posting the exciting parts of our lives and without knowing it, you’re trying to one-up one another.
- Travel
- Concerts
- New Shoes/Bags
- Expensive restaurants
Living that “cool” lifestyle and when you see those carefully edited parts of their lives, it can make us quite sad.
You’ll feel that you’re not measuring up and the desire to want those things increases. Causing you discomfort for not having or experiencing those things.
Expectations
Being realistic with your expectations will leave you less disappointed.
The people around you rarely give a damn about your feelings. 90% of the time you can expect them to go against your “way of doing things” because you have no control over their actions.
But honestly, the fault lies within you.
It’s absolutely foolish of you to expect how others should be acting towards you or treating you. Like when you do something nice for the other person and expecting them to do the same. Might as well keep a scorecard or an Excel spreadsheet to track it.
A great way to become a suffocating person to be around.
Flexible mindset
Be accepting of others’ flaws but don’t set your expectations too low.
Don’t fear or shield yourself from the pain of disappointment. You must set boundaries, or else you will be either a pushover or uninterested toward others. Be understanding that someone you never expected to betray you can do so and vice versa.
You can feel unhappy but not be upset with them.
If you want to adopt this mindset then read this great short article from Zen Habits. Explains this perfectly and with great actionable advice.
Acceptance
This idea is a great way to begin getting unstuck.
“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”
Marcus Aurelius
If you’re like me and struggle to cope with hardships. It can affect your confidence, mental or physical health, work, studies, or relationships with other people.
My addiction to drinking for example, only when I started to embrace the negatives, was I able to start looking for solutions. Interestingly enough I could find ways to even go along with it without damaging myself too much and even improve at the same time.
- Drank vodka soda (less carbs&calories)
- Walked >10000steps a day (so that I can drink more)
- Installed a pull-up bar at home (to hang myself )
Well, lame dark jokes aside.
In just a couple of months, my desire to drink went down from 3 drinks a day to 4 drinks a week.
- Made dieting easier
- Less knee pain while running
- Fixed my posture and became 0.9cm taller
“What’s on the other side? I’ll tell you. You. You are on the other side of those struggles. A you you realize you only knew a little bit about. You learn you’re capable of more than you know.”
Ryan Holiday
Shifting your viewpoint
Don’t obsess over the details.
I want you to look at things from a bigger picture. See past your current emotions and limiting beliefs, so you can free yourself and create new solutions.
Remember when you’re giving some advice to someone? It was easy, right?
Looking at the problems from the outside, you can see that most of them can be solved if they don’t let their fears or self-doubt stop them from taking action.
TL: DR
For the lazy people who jumped straight here…go back up and stop trying to rush everything. Life’s not a sprint.
To me practicing stoicism helps me calm my mind and not overthink unnecessary scenarios. By letting the present moment define the past. I know that I am now stronger in both mind and body than before by going through my drinking addiction and knee injury.
You don’t know the full picture of the posts on social media so stop comparing or envying them.
Accept your pathetic self maybe even feel the rage boiling in your fat belly, if it can inspire the change you need. Now that you’ve realized you fucked up your life, can it get any worse? We wish our lives were perfect, not to walk a road full of mistakes but life’s about an adventure to live and not to seek for comfort.
Experiment with your ideas, get rejected, and take notes on feedback or what you could have done better.
